Friday's Quotables

In honor of National Humor Month these supposed quotes from the courtroom:

Q: "What is your marital status?"
A: "Fair."

Q: "Do you drink when you are on duty?"
A: "I don't drink on duty unless I come to work drunk."

Q: "Are you sexually active?"
A: "No, I just lie there."

Q: "How many autopsies have you performed on dead people?"
A: "All of my autopsies have been on dead people."

Q: "How many times have you committed suicide?"

Q: "How was your first marriage terminated?"
A: "By death."
Q: "And by whose death was it terminated?"

Q: "All of your responses must be oral, O.K.? What school did you go to?"
A: "Oral."

Q: "What is your date of birth?"
A: "July 15."
Q: "What year?"
A: "Every year."